Ken Collins: Fountain of knowledge |

Ken Collins: Fountain of knowledge

I think we Americans should be happy for the future of our country. In this time of many problems with many depths, there may be hope out there. It seems that many Republican members of Congress have stumbled onto something profound.

So many of them have been telling us that “I’m no scientist, but” I know that those thousand or so scientists are wrong on the climate change thing. And they let us know that “I’m no psychiatrist, but” I know we can cure homosexuality with a few sessions (apparently forgetting that homosexuality is not a choice but homophobia is).

How about the “I’m no statistician, but” there is rampant voter fraud, despite all the facts. And one of my favorites, “I’m no Islamic rebel expert, but” Obama better arm the rebels (pick which group) in the latest civil war from (pick a country) and he damn well better pick the right ones because we’re watching and will comment, first thing Monday morning.

Lastly and recently, firing another salvo to try to keep women as second-class citizens, in an “I’m no misogynist, but” the GOP brass, old, rich, white men, gleefully applauded the decision of five black-robed old, rich men who came up with a new definition of pregnancy and contraception, and allowed employers to no longer provide basic health care to women. And women only. A care they provided for years before Obama’s Affordable Care Act, stepping between people and their doctor, which was once their main argument against the ACA.

As you may remember in grade school, when you studied the explorers, Ponce de Leon was looking for the fountain of youth. He never found it. (Of course, if there had been any “I’m no geologist, but” Republican members of Congress around, they’d have shown him where it was.)

But, apparently, our GOP leaders in D.C. have access to the fountain of knowledge and aren’t telling us where it is. Knowledge only they have.

Do you realize what this could mean? It would solve our falling test scores. Goodbye, student loan debts. The SAT would be a breeze. Taxes for schools? We don’t need no stinkin’ taxes. Summer vacations all year. Tourist industry flourishes. The list goes on and on.

All we have to do is get those GOP know-it-alls to tell us where that fountain is. Hey Cheney? Got your little enhanced interrogation handbook nearby?

Ken Collins


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