Joanne Palmer: Offering advice for 2010 |

Joanne Palmer: Offering advice for 2010

Joanne Palmer

In 1989, Joanne Palmer left a publishing career in Manhattan and has missed her paycheck ever since. She is a mom, weekly columnist for the Steamboat Pilot & Today, and the owner of a property management company, The House Nanny. Her new book "Life in the 'Boat: How I fell on Warren Miller's skis, cheated on my hairdresser and fought off the Fat Fairy" is now available in local bookstores and online at or

— A new year calls for some new words of wisdom, sage sayings and pearls of wisdom to curl up and contemplate.

■ Make new friends but keep the old — especially the ones who have houses in warm places.

■ The economy is only as bad as your imagination is limited. If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you can't. Either way, you're right.

■ Better to date a first-rate man in a second-rate car then the other way around.

■ The only maintenance a man worries about is his car's. You will not see a man standing in front of a mirror shrieking, "I have six double chins. I need highlights. My eyebrows look like caterpillars." Armed with this knowledge, do not expect a high success rate if you nag your man about his appearance.

■ You can guarantee the happiness of only one person: yourself.

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■ It's not what you make, it's what you save.

■ Snuggle a baby every chance you get.

■ When a man says he's going to watch the "last half of the game," that usually means he's going to take a nap on the couch.

■ Choose your battles.

■ Never go to the animal shelter thinking you'll just "take a look." That said, go ahead and adopt a pet. Or two.

■ Life isn't fair, so stop whining.

■ Learn something new every day. For example: Hemi­dem­­isemiquaver is a 64th-note in music. Say what? You probably thought it was the name of a smelly fish.

■ Don't count calories, burn them.

■ Consider the source.

■ This, too, shall pass.

■ Debt is like a noose around your neck. Pay cash.

■ Resist — repeat — resist the temptation to buy an article of clothing thinking it will fit when you lose five pounds. Even if it's cute. Even if it's a great deal. Even if you truly believe you will lose the weight. Do not buy shoes thinking they will be comfortable after they stretch out. They won't.

■ Double-check the lid on the thermos full of split pea soup before you put it in your son's school backpack. You will never hear the end of it after it opens. Trust me.

■ Take a chance on getting slapped. You might get kissed.

■ Very few people are interested in your latest medical procedure.

■ Tell you children you love them every day. Even if they are teenagers.

■ You already know the story of your own life, ask about someone else's.

■ Leave large tips.

■ Be kind. Be kind. Be kind. Then be extra kind.

■ There's only one way to lose weight. Eat less; exercise more. Don't waste your time and money on fad diets.

■ Having a good handyman is essential. Ditto for a hardware store. And a great dog.

■ You can't change another person, only yourself.

■ If you don't open your mouth, you open your pocketbook.

■ Trust what people do, not just what they say.

■ Don't listen to the naysayers; follow your heart.

■ Every person is the architect of his own fortune.

■ If your grade-point average is more than a 3.5, you are not having enough fun; if it's lower than 3.0, too much fun is being had.

■ Never miss an opportunity to enjoy life. Have some unscheduled fun.

■ If you wake up in the morning, it is a grand day.

■ Don't get a car until you know how to change a flat tire.

■ We all end up where we are supposed to be.

■ If it doesn't kill me, how bad can it be?

■ Ideas generate money.