Joanne Palmer: Mouse potato needs staycation
Steamboat Springs — I am obsessed with words, I really am. I have a notebook full of words that interest and intrigue me. Then, when I can’t think of an adjective, I can pull out my notebook and come up with a really surprising word that will astonish my readers. Of course, the problem then becomes I can’t find my notebook, and I start digging around through my desk drawers and find other things I’ve been looking for – like my Azteca punch card, the headphones to my iPod and the note with the really important phone number for a really important person that I should have called back for a really important reason I no longer can remember.
I am such a word geek that I recently found myself paging through a newly released book, all about words that don’t exist but should. OK, one word wasn’t in the book, but it just popped up in my e-mail, and I love it. The word is, “staycation.” Please commit this word and those below to memory, because I guarantee you will need them the next time you go to the grocery store.
Friend: Happy Holidays! Going anywhere?”
You: No way. Vacations are so last year. Who wants to deal with crowds, packing, finding a house and dog sitter, not to mention airport security? Plus, if you go somewhere you run the risk of a travelanche. Yuck! We’re doing a staycation. We’re going to be mouse potatoes, and I’m here now to stock up on foodilicious. Can’t wait to stay home. You?
Friend: Oh, just Hawaii. Foodlicious and mouse potatos : are those ingredients for a new appetizer?
You: No time to explain. Gotta go.
See how great words are? Just drop a few new words into the conversational waters and voila! You are transformed from an overworked bottom-feeder subsisting on tuna noodle casserole into a super cool, hip person who will be invited to all the fun parties in town.
Now back to the book, “The Daily Candy Lexicon. Words That Don’t Exist But Should.” Here are more words and definitions from the book that might help you sound extra hip at those A-list parties.
Foodilicious: Adj. A term describing really attractive food.
Wishful Drinking: v. To drink excessively on a wintry night, based on the desire for work to be canceled the next morning because of snow. Also, the clever title of actress Carrie Fisher’s new memoir.
Reply-Arrhea: n. E-mail incontinence; an inability to stop e-mailing.
ETA: Acronym. Eons ‘Til Arrival. Used by gate agents who know darn well your flight is going to be canceled but make you wait six hours until they tell you.
Travelanche: n. The state of affairs when one little thing goes wrong and then everything snowballs toward disaster.
Inshopnia: n. A disorder marked by making unnecessary online purchases in the wee hours because of insomnia.
E-Mnesia: n. The condition of having sent or received an e-mail and having no recollection of it whatsoever.
Biphonal: Adj. Able to hold multiple phones to your ear at the same time.
Mouse Potato: n. The wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.
Mitten Kitten: n. The evil fairy who steals one mitten or glove from your coat pocket every winter.
Yellular: n. The loudness one adopts in response to a bad cell-phone connection, in the misguided hope that talking louder will improve it.
Post-Modem: n. The freak-out experience when your Internet goes dead.
IQUE: n. Your level of iPod expertise or lack thereof.
Sknowman: n. The ski bum who knows way too much about winter sports. Now, get out there and have some fun!
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