Joanne Palmer's Life in the 'Boat column appears Wednesdays in the Steamboat Today. E-mail her atjpalmer@springsips.com

Steamboat Springs — There's nothing like a scandal to take the productivity right out of a rainy weekend. Given the choice between following a juicy sex scandal or cleaning the house, what would you do?

For those of you who used your rainy weekend time more productively than moi, let me give you the skinny on a former presidential candidate and Rielle. In 2006, John Edwards meets Rielle Hunter in a bar. Despite that she has no experience in TV or film, she is hired to produce "Webisodes" for his campaign. She is paid more than $100,000 for four "Webisodes" that ran on You Tube. I watched one and here's what I learned - any child could have made a better video than she did. They have an affair. He confesses to his wife, says it's over, blah, blah. She forgives him. Fast-forward to 2008. Miss Rielle has a 5-month-old baby and a multi-million dollar home in Santa Barbara.

Hmmm:

A former Edwards aide claims he's the father and is living with Rielle in California.

Hmmm:

But then the plot thickens. Edwards is caught in July leaving the Beverly Hills Hilton at 2:40 a.m. after visiting the baby and Rielle.

Hmmm:

Who needs reality TV when there's real life?

I decided to do the Edwards family a favor and save them thousands of dollars on marriage counseling. I had a virtual heart-to-heart chat with them to get to the bottom of all of this.

Miss P: John, what were you thinking? You were trying to become the Democratic nominee for president of the United States, your wife has cancer and you decided it was a good time for a little horizontal mambo?

John E: Well, Miss P, I thought if I spent $800 on two haircuts no one would recognize me.

Miss P: John, just as there is no perfect crime, there is no perfect affair. What kind of name is Rielle anyway? Is she French? Even Anderson Cooper was confused about how to pronounce it.

John E: It's pronounced Riley. She changed her name from Lisa Druck to Rielle Hunter.

Miss P: Oh, boy! John that should have been a big red flag. Beware of women who change their name to something pseudo-French. While we're at it, steer clear of women who have names that end in "i" and especially those who have cutesy men's names that end in "i" such as Randi, Teddi or Bobbi.

John E: OK. I'll keep that in mind.

Miss P: Thanks, John. Now I'd like to hear from your wife, Elizabeth. Elizabeth, I bet you're thinking, "stay or go," right?

E.E.: I am, Miss P. I sure am.

Miss P: Well, Elizabeth. I know it's been a long time since you were single, so I'd like to share with you a tried-and-true method to help you make this difficult decision. Ready?

E.E. (Sniff, sniff. Sob, sob.) Ready.

Miss P: Rat points. Rat points were developed by the Girls Night Out Club of New York City. I was honored to serve as president. One day, I was stood up, my two girlfriends showed up with a large plastic rat. They gave it to me with the instructions that being stood up equals one rat point. Three rat points and the guy is history. OK?

E.E.: OK.

Miss P: Now, call your best girlfriend, get a large bottle of wine, a plastic rat and figure out who would be more fun to hang out with - the rat or him. There may not be much of a difference.